


Liar's Di(a)ce

by Yukitsune



Series: DiaMari Week 2018 [3]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 21:51:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15325116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yukitsune/pseuds/Yukitsune
Summary: Written for Day 3 of DiaMari Week: Chances + Regrets3 Chances (the ones not taken) and 1 Regret (the one chance she decided to take)They say you only have one chance with the one you love. For Kurosawa Dia, she’s had plenty. Growing up with Ohara Mari, she’s had plenty of opportunities to confess to her best friend, but she always backed out before the words could leave her lips. Fortunately for her, Mari was more than oblivious to her feelings.





	Liar's Di(a)ce

They say you only have one chance with the one you love. For Kurosawa Dia, she’s had plenty. Growing up with Ohara Mari, she’s had plenty of opprtunities to confess to her best friend, but she always backed out before the words could leave her lips. Fortunately for her, Mari was more than oblivious to her feelings.

Dia was not a gambler but she liked to know her odds. She also liked mathematics. 

Her juniors often talked about life as if it was a battle of chances and opportunities. They were right. However, life was just about determination. It was also a gamble of risks. Personally, Dia felt that gambling wasn’t worth it unless she knew she would win. In this case, the chances of success were minuscule. Dia would rather have Mari in her life as a best friend, instead of run the risk of losing both her best friend and her crush, if things didn’t work out. She didn’t even know if she would be able to face her, much less retain their current friendship. 

She likened it to the game of of Liar’s Dice. It was a game she had learned as a child during family gatherings, but she always lost. Dice was easy. Lying was difficult. Her calculations were never mistaken, but rather, it was her inability to tell a lie that ultimately cost her. She was the laughing stock of the family for years until relatives started noticing that her predictions were never wrong. All of a sudden, she became the prized Kurosawa and everyone wanted to hire her to be on their team. She usually refused to expend her effort unless it was for Ruby. 

It was simple. Mathematics was logic and straightforward. Love and romance was not. Human behaviour was not exactly predictable so she was basically gambling with dice with every action she made. To prove her own point, she previously tried to gauge the possibility of confessing to Mari and succeeding. Given that that there are five variables: family, studies, ambition, Dia and herself, in the game, there would be 5 dice. In a roll, the probability of rolling one double was (1/6) x (1/6) x (5/6) x (5/6) x (5/6). This was because the rolls of dice were independent events and every dice was an independent variable. 

As there were ten ways to roll exactly one pair of doubles out of five dice, the configuration of dice was the product multiplied by 10. That gave the possibility of rolling any pair of doubles an estimated probability of 0.322 with each roll. In percentage, that would give her a 32% chance of success with these set variables. 

In short, the odds of her choosing Mari and Mari choosing her in return, was really low. Too low for her to bet on, but she couldn’t stop herself from rolling the dice each time. She just never lifted the cup to find the answer. 

Roll 1 

It had been Mari’s first birthday since she had moved to Uchiura. She had been particularly lonely because most of her friends and family could not be with her. Her papa was on a business trip that weekend, and he would only be back for dinner. Hence, she would be spending most of her day alone. 

During one of their sleepovers, Mari had confided to Dia that she really envied Ruby because Ruby would always at least have a sister and parents to celebrate her birthdays with her. She had looked really lonely and even though the expression passed quickly, it haunted Dia after Mari went to sleep. Lying in the futon, she hadn’t been able to sleep. Dia did not understand that kind of loneliness. She had always had her mother, and even if her father was busy with work, he would take part of the day off to spend it with them. Hence, the idea that someone like Mari would be spending her birthday alone, seemed even more unfathomable. It made her determined to change that.

At the time, she didn’t understand what she felt for the blonde haired girl. However, when she was sad, she felt sad as well. She didn’t want Mari to ever feel alone. All she knew was that Mari had a beautiful smile and she wanted to help her smile on her birthday. 

Hence, she took it upon herself to organize a birthday celebration for Mari, with Kanan’s help. She woke up early the next day and went to the chefs in the kitchen to get permission to bake the cake. Kanan and her sneaked into the back kitchen after Mari had left the house for her birthday shopping trip. The blue haired girl had been excited and eager to make Mari’s party special. So when Dia told her that they were making the cake, Kanan had been more than willing to take charge of making the batter. 

Unsurprisingly, it had not been a good idea to let Kanan bake. Granted, it would someday become a fond memory for both of them to look back upon. Yet, as a child, it was mortifying for Dia to walk into the kitchen and find a tornado of mess. 

“Ah... I think I followed the recipe?” Sheepishly, Kanan passed her the hand written list of ingredients and steps to follow, half of which was in broken Japanese. Dia could barely understand half of it, much less figure out what her friend had done. By then, the mixture had been somewhat ready to be placed in the oven, so she quickly cleaned up the mess while Kanan sat on a kitchen stool and talked to her. 

When they took it out of the oven and tried it, Dia wanted to puke. Looking over at Kanan’s disgusted face, she felt the same. 

“Kanan-san! WHY IS IT SALTY!?” 

“Ah? I couldn’t read the kanji so I just picked the white powder on the table.” 

“That’s not sugar, that’s salt!” 

“Okay, that makes more sense...” At that age, Dia had yet to learn any curse words. Hence, the closest word she could come up with was “kuyashii” which was not nearly enough to express how stressed out she was. Still, she screamed it in her head before she calmed herself down. 

Taking quick stock of the remaining ingredients, she decided to salvage the situation. It wasn’t perfect, but Ruby had always loved her pancakes. She used the tin rings for the cake and slowly poured the batter so it would be cooked evenly. After which, she used the leftover sauce and cream to form layers in between the pancakes as she stacked them. 

After pouring her heart and soul into making the cake, Dia was completely burnt out, no pun intended. However, Mari’s expression when she took a large bite out of the pancakes made all the effort worth it. Her face lit up with joy and she looked like she would actually cry with happiness. Dia didn’t have the energy to talk much. So, it was Kanan who kept Mari entertained with games and steady streams of conversations. The only game she could pay attention to was Liar’s Dice, which she once again was the first to lose. It was just as well since Dia had to go home after that. She wanted to formally present Mari’s gift to her, but she didn’t really want to cut in since the other two were so engrossed in the game. She bid the girls goodnight and politely took her leave. 

As she walked out of the hotel grounds and waited for the ferry, Dia thought of the salty batter that she had tasted earlier. It didn’t matter that she told Mari that Kanan did most of the work. Mari’s face had lit up and she raced to hug Kanan, who was talking animatedly with Mari’s father. It was her first successful lie and it had been to Mari. The heiress didn’t even consider calling her bluff. 

It was alright. She would have other chances to tell Mari she loved her. 

That was her second lie. 

Roll 2: 

It was their second year of high school and things only became more confusing. With most days and nights spent either studying or practicing with Mari and Kanan, the three girls were closer than ever. There was hardly any time for games, much less lies. A small part of Dia was tired of pretending. She had been crushing on this girl for almost 7 years. 

She had been packing her luggage for their Tokyo trip when she chanced upon a set of dice that was under a cup. She had forgotten how much she loved playing with dice when she was younger. Mari had been the one who won most of their rounds, even though her bets were mostly similar numbers. At the time, Dia had thought it was ridiculous for her to win her bets so often. However, she had probably been just jealous of her friend’s luck. She smiled to herself and pocketed the dice. A thought crossed her mind as she lay in bed and thought about her choices in life. Becoming friends with Kanan, letting Mari into her life, falling for Mari, becoming idols, allowing the girls to sign up for Love Live even though they had not been ready for it. They were all variables in the game. It was a game she hadn’t played in a while. She didn’t know if the odds had changed.

Hence, Dia promised herself that if they won the Love Live competition, she would confess to Mari once and for all after the awards ceremony.

However, all that came to a stop during one of their rehearsals. After Mari injured herself and they decided to disband the unit, she gave up on that ever happening. Her chances were always low to begin with, but it seemed like even luck wasn't on her side. She still carried two dice around with her because it became a habit to feel the weight in her pocket. It was also a reminder. She wasn’t sure if she should have been happy that fate seemed to have different plans for her. Particularly, when a certain ginger haired girl tried to convince her to join her idol group. That was also when a familiar blonde decided to come back into her life with no warning. 

With her student council duties and practices with Aqours after school, Dia had conveniently forgotten about her promise by the time the Love Live competition was upon them. In fact, it was only when Kanan casually asked if she had anything that she wanted to do after the announcement that Aqours had won, that it hit her. However, after the awards ceremony, the group had celebrated together and there had been drinks involved so she didn’t want to ruin the evening by doing something that she would regret in future. 

She sipped her sake and laughed along at the girls’ antics. She would be graduating soon and this could effectively be the last few months they spend together before they go their separate paths. It gave her a sense of nostalgia but also the feeling of closure. It was as if she knew that it was time for a chapter to end. However, she was excited for another to begin. 

The dice had already been rolled in her head, but she didn’t lift the cup to check the numbers. It would be like Shrodinger’s cat; stuck in the middle of both possibilities of success and failure. It couldn’t hurt her chances if she waited for the next turn.

She hadn’t expected the next roll to come that soon though. 

Roll 3:

The words were still tumbling out of Mari’s lips but Dia couldn’t concentrate on anything anymore. After their impromptu private graduation ceremony, Mari had pulled Dia aside and asked if she had some time to talk. It struck her as odd that she waited until Kanan left the room to find Chika, but she hadn’t thought anything of it. 

“So, what do you think I should do?” Oh. A question that required an actual response instead of nods and hums. Dia frowned. Her logical brain was not processing any information at that moment. All the mathematic calculations had been halted the moment Mari started speaking. It was rather inconvenient. 

She had always thought that the hardest words that she would have to endure would be the second goodbye as she parted ways with her best friends and sister. She was dreadfully mistaken. 

Those words were nothing compared to the words that started the current conversation. She knew without a doubt that the words that will be etched in her mind forever would be “I’m in love with Kanan, should I tell her?” 

Dia couldn’t say anything; but she had to. Even though every second she stayed there was a second she felt brought her closer to death. She had to pretend that she didn’t feel like spilling her contents of her stomach onto the floor and probably her heart too. 

“If you take this chance, you might regret it for the rest of your life.” She hoped it seemed philosophical enough for Mari to ponder about it for a few minutes and give her more time to think of an escape plan from this conversation. It seemed her luck for games and dice had run out. 

“That’s silly Dia. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?” Mari scoffed quietly but it wasn’t mocking. “Chances are meant to be taken, no matter how low the odds are.” 

“Let me rephrase: once you make this choice, you can’t ever take it back.” Another stall. She knew Mari was watching her every expression. The girl had always been observant to everything but her feelings for her. Unless-

“There’s only ever been one choice for me, Dia.” Mari was looking straight into her eyes. Her gaze was unreadable. 

Oh. She was suddenly made aware of the weight of the dice inside her pocket. She should have thrown them away the moment they disbanded. 

“What if she doesn’t choose you? Each chance has a probability of 0.322 success.” 

“But what if she does?” Mari threw back at her. “Love isn’t mathematical Dia, you can’t put a number and a probability on something that is based on emotions.” 

Dia knew that. She’s always known that on some level that probabilities and mathematics wouldn’t work on humans. She looked down; she didn’t want to look at her when Mari was like this. She used to love watching her when she was passionate or determined about something, but that image had been ruined. In a way, she had already lost the gamble before she even rolled the dice. She didn’t need to check the numbers anymore. 

“... I’m happy for you. You’re both my best friends and I genuinely hope for the best outcome for you. You deserve to find happiness.” 

“I’m glad to have your support!! But we’ll just find you after I- wait, does that mean you won’t be coming for the dinner?” 

“... You’ve made your choice, Mari-san. I think I’ve just made mine. I’m going to take my chances too.” Mari’s use of plural pronoun instead of singular, didn’t escape her notice. She was so certain of her odds even if she wasn’t playing the game. Mari was admirable in that sense. She was the childhood friend that happened to be her first love and first heartbreak. Dia was happy to have gotten to know (love) her. 

Dia mentally shook herself. It was time to find her own future now that her friends had found theirs. Chika had given her the chance to reclaim their lost opportunity and restore their dreams. They had done exactly that. They had won Love Live. Their past had been saved. 

When she looked back on her childhood, she would no longer feel sorrow for the lost opportunity to be an idol and the pain of disbanding both the idol group and their friendship. Her beautiful journey with these girls was finally a memory she could treasure with no regrets. Even if that was all that it would be. She could face the little Dia in the pictures with a smile, knowing that she had reclaimed the dreams and strength that she thought she had lost for good. It gave her hope to continue on and turn the page. 

“Oh. You were going to leave without saying goodbye?” She looked up. She was no longer afraid of the farewell that was about to happen. 

“It’s not really a goodbye. We’ll see one another again.” 

“Dia, don’t dodge the topic. Is this about Kanan?” Mari tried to take her hand to get her attention but Dia fumbled away from her, ignoring the hurt look that Mari gave her. She wasn’t quite ready for any contact yet. 

“No. It has nothing to do with her. As I said, I’ll support the two of you. I have to go now. I’m sorry.” She gave Mari a watery smile. There was no point in holding up a facade. 

“You’re a terrible liar, Dia. What is it? You can’t hide behind probabilities when there’s certainty in front of you and you just don’t want to see it.”

Mari’s words fell on deaf ears as the brunette turned around and ran. She didn’t chase her. Dia didn’t expect her to. Mari was always led by a romantic heart that was built for emotions. It was so different from Dia’s logical mind. Initially, her heart stung, knowing exactly what she was leaving behind. However, the more distance she put between her and Mari, the less pain she seemed to feel. Maybe with the right combination of time and distance, she would be able to face Mari with a smile again someday. 

Kurosawa Dia was not a gambler. She just liked to know her odds. However, it seemed like her initial calculations were wrong because she failed to include unforeseen variables. She never had a chance to begin with. 

As it turned out, Dia was a better liar than she thought. The entire time she spoke, she never called her own bluff. In that sense, she didn’t know whether to count that as a victory or loss. Either way, she didn’t want to play the game anymore. 

~~~~

Bonus: Regret 

It had been an awkward few months after they parted. Granted, each of the girls had adjustments to make and new schools to prepare for. The Aqours group chat had been active until the new school term started, and the other girls had less time to reply. However, Dia received texts regularly from Ruby and the occasional check from Chika who texted her randomly about things that were happening in their new school. They spanned a range of topics such as the new Mikan pie she tried at her favorite bakery, or her new student council president. She even received updates that Riko and Hanamaru had been nominated to join the new school committee, even though they had not made up their minds yet. 

It seemed like everyone had transitioned into their new lives and futures. 

As for her best friends, as far as she was concerned, she didn’t need to know the aftermath of Mari’s gamble. She had been on a train to Tokyo when Kanan sent her a message asking her why she left early, but she simply said she had a train to catch. Other than a few more comments here and there, they had nothing more to say. That was the end of that conversation. 

As for Mari, she had only seen the text message three hours late, because it was sent at 3am. It was a simple “I hope the future brings you the best”, but it made her tear up. Her roommate told her the next day that she looked like she went through a break up, and she wanted to laugh in irony. Instead, she just smiled and drank her tea even though it burned her throat. 

She received a text from Kanan about 4 months later. She was planning on stopping by Tokyo for a few nights with her diving team. Dia offered her tips on what food was good, even though she was certain that Kanan was just searching for an olive branch to start the conversation. To some extent, so was she. 

From sporadic texts every few weeks, their messages became regular. It felt like she was discovering someone new even though they had been friends for years. 

It was the night before Kanan was supposed to leave. For old time’s sake, they had decided that she would sleep in Dia’s room and recreate their childhood. At first the conversation stayed within topic updates of their current lives. However, under the cover of the night sky filled with stars, Kanan started reminiscing about their childhood.

“Dia, something always bothered me about the night you left after graduation.” That didn’t sound good. Dia grimaced for a second. She didn’t want to be particularly reminded of that. “Why didn’t you just tell Mari how you felt?” 

“There was no point. She had already made her decision.” 

“You didn’t ask her, you don’t know that.”

“I didn’t have to. It was an expected value probability.” 

“What?!” Kanan looked more and more concerned as the conversation continued, and Dia felt disconcerted because she couldn’t understand what she was trying to say. “No Dia, you don’t get it. You don’t know the whole equation without identifying the fixed variables.”

“It’s a probability so there aren’t any certainties.” 

“Dia, I don’t understand your calculations, but this is 100% certain. Mari hates math but she studied books on game theory and calculating probabilities in her free time, just so she could understand what you go on about.” 

“Actually, game theory is economics.” 

“You know what I mean!” Kanan said, throwing her hands up. “You have to go find her; Mari’s flight lands tomorrow and she’s in transit so she will only be in Tokyo for a few hours.” 

Dia’s first reaction was that of surprise. 

“Why is this so important to you?” 

“Because you didn’t calculate your probability knowing all the variables.” Kanan paused, trying to come up with a good analogy. “And you assumed that all the dice were fair.” 

“It’s in the past, Kanan-san.” Dia took a deep breath. She had moved on, she should have moved on by now. “I truly am sorry that things didn’t work out between you two.” 

Kanan stilled and went quiet for a few seconds before she sat up in the futon. She turned to Dia with a look of seriousness and determination that reminded her of when they were still performing as Aqours. She felt obliged to sit up and listen, so she did. “Dia, when Mari tried to confess to me that night, I wanted to say yes.” 

“So, why didn’t you?” She knew that Kanan had feelings for Mari. It was just something that they didn't want to talk about. Or rather, it was something that she had never wanted to talk about. 

“Because you weren’t the only one who told a lie that night. Mari lied too.” Kanan looked like she wanted to say more, but she frowned and then bid her good night. 

It was not a good night. Kanan may have slept, but sleep escaped Dia. When she woke up, her friend had left a note of thanks on her folded futon and a promise to call her when she was making a return trip. Kanan’s words bothered her all the way until she found herself making her way to the airport the next day. She hadn’t even been planning to go, but she found a photocopy of Mari’s flight and gate number left on the table after Kanan left and opened it even though she knew she shouldn't. 

Searching for a blonde was difficult to do in an international airport terminal, especially when said blonde had no idea that she was coming. That being said, she also had not expected that Mari would be the one who found her. 

She had been buying a cup of tea at a takeout counter when she felt someone tap her arm. A young girl proceeded to put something in her hand after informing her that she dropped something. When she ran off, Dia opened her palm and saw a six-sided die that looked exactly like the one she lost before she left for Tokyo. She had assumed it had fallen out while she was enroute to the train station or while she had been packing.

“Do you have time for a quick game?” She recognized the accented voice immediately. She sounded like she hadn’t been speaking Japanese for a while, but there was no mistaking Mari. She turned around and shrugged. Why not? 

“I always play with this die so if you have yours, we can place our bets.” Mari continued. They moved to one of the tables at the cafe where Dia had ordered her drink and sat down together. 

Dia lost every round. She still couldn't call the blonde’s bluff. Rolling her eyes, she asked what Mari wanted as a prize. She had expected a joke but the other girl turned serious. 

“I want you to hear me out. Just give me 5 minutes with no interruptions.” 

Before Dia could do anything other than nod, Mari opened her hand and showed her the dice. This time, Mari rolled and announced her guess out loud before the dice stopped. It was then that Dia realized what she was trying to show her. Mari’s die was weighted so there was only one variable to be determined. Kanan had figured it out. 

“I lied to you that night. It was never one choice.” Dia didn’t say anything. She should have anticipated this part of the conversation but she didn't know how to react. “I realised half way through the night that I couldn’t confess to Kanan. Not because I didn’t care for her, but because I was betting on someone else. She told me that if I had someone else I wanted to say those words to, then she couldn’t be betting with loaded dice.”

Dia frowned as she thought about that statement. 

“Dia, I love you.” Mari swallowed in relief after that, as if she had been holding her feelings in and finally let go of the burden she was carrying. When Dia first imagined how it would be like to hear those words, she thought of excitement, fireworks and a burst of the emotion she had been harbouring since before she knew what love was. Yet, at that point, she felt none of those things. She couldn’t put a label on her emotions but she did feel a sense of disappointment that the game had been rigged from the start. “I know I’m probably too late to say it.”

Mari sensed that Dia wasn’t sure how to respond and quickly backtracked. She could have misread the situation. She took both the dice and placed them into her hand, as if trusting her with a part of herself that had been hidden behind her own facade. “You’re not obliged to respond or feel the same way. I just wanted you to know that you’re not the only one playing. The next roll is yours if you want it.” 

Did she want it? Dia looked at the girl sitting in front of her. Mari had played such a defining role in her past, and her absence molded her into the present. She had every reason to be thankful for her presence in her life. However, whether she had a place in her future, especially romantically, was another thing. It had taken so much effort but Dia had moved on, found her own way of living and individual happiness. On the other hand, she had the chance to fall for her again if she took it. What were the odds of that happening? 

Dia looked up and met her steady gaze. Mari had gone quiet and was watching her patiently. She had said her peace, somewhat. Even so, it felt so surreal to be in this position where they were sort of talking but the distance between them was evident. Anyone who saw them wouldn’t believe that they were childhood best friends and used to be unable to even spend a day without speaking to one another. 

She had spent so much of her lifetime holding the dice, that she had become afraid of rolling them. She wasn’t even sure if they would last as a couple. That was a whole new set of calculations but she halted herself before she could go into a frenzy of mathematics. Mari was waiting for an answer that she didn’t have; and she wouldn't have unless she decided to take her chances. 

Mari liked to bet on her chances. She didn't. At least she now knew why Mari never seemed to worry about her odds. She made it half-way through her calculations for the odds of a successful bet when the dice was loaded, before she stopped herself. There was only one way to truly find the answer. 

“Doubles.” 

She took a deep breath and let the dice roll from her hand. Her eyes closed on reflex before she remembered that she wanted to know the outcome. The first thing she laid eyes on was Mari’s beaming grin and she didn't have to look down to know the answer. For the first time in a while, she liked her odds.


End file.
